I typically like to frame these discussions in a positive perspective but I do think it’s important that we occasionally look at the other side. Most people are more than willing to talk about what will make a man a success and, while I agree that’s an important subject to cover, just as important is the discussion of what is going to keep you from accomplishing what you want.
So today, in an attempt to keep you from falling into some of the same traps this humble man has fallen into a time or two, I’ll share with you 6 reasons why men fail and, in doing so, help you find a new path to thriving in what we call the Quadrants (yourself, your relationships, your health, and your wealth).
The number one reason most men fail, and the reason I fail from time to time is pride.
I’ve talked about it before but we have been led to believe that if you don’t have the answer, you’re an idiot or less of a man.
It’s unfortunate that’s the case because it drives us to go at it alone, to figure out things the hard way, and to struggle, when all we really have to do is reach out to someone who may know a few things more than we do.
The solution is simple: recognize you don’t have it all figured out and ask for help from someone who does.
Want to get in shape? Ask someone what you should do to get in shape.
Want a promotion? Ask someone to help you with the project that will help you secure your promotion.
Want to shore up the relationship with your wife? Ask someone who has a great relationship.
The solution, again, is ask. Humble yourself and reach out
When I started Order of Man in early 2015, I knew there wasn’t a lot of new information I could share with men. But what I recognized is that information isn’t really the problem.
You have access to more information in the palm of your hand than the most educated minds had a hundred years ago. Information isn’t the problem. Action (or lack thereof) is. And, more specifically, sustained action.
Motivation doesn’t cut it. Accountability doesn’t cut it. The only thing that will yield the results your after is consistent action towards your objective.
When that alarm goes off in the wee hours of the morning, it’s time to fight. It’s time to engage. It’s time to battle. All you need is to DECIDE.
We’ve all heard the acronym F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real). I disagree. Fear is real. It’s designed to keep you alive.
Running from the things that scare you, or worse, pretending it doesn’t exist will not get you closer to your goal.
Facing the enemy that is fear will. When you’re scared, acknowledge it. Recognize it for what it is and use the fear to equip and arm yourself with the tools, mindset, skill set, and resources to look it in the eye and drive on.
It’s likely that the thing you fear the most won’t kill you. It’s simply going to make you feel a little uncomfortable. Be okay with that. Discomfort is your friend, fear is your enemy.
In my experience, one of the biggest dangers we fall into is trying to be accepted by others. The way we run our marriages, our businesses, our workouts, and our lives is so centered around what other people think.
I know personally there have been times in my life where I’ve wondered whose life am I living. The answer is someone else’s.
We’re constantly bombarded by stimuli from magazines and books, to this podcast and mainstream media. And, we believe that the way one person does it is the way we should do it.
Add to that the environment of political correctness in which we live and you’re likely to withhold the way you really feel or alter your message or actions based on the perceived criticism you’ll receive from others.
If you truly want to thrive, you’ll work on overcoming what other people think about you.
Regardless of how you choose to paint it, the excuses you craft are nothing more than cleverly disguised lies.
And, what’s worse is you’ve been lying to yourself for so long that you’re actually starting to believe your own B.S.
When something doesn’t go according to plan, I’d encourage you to say, “This didn’t go well because I did or didn’t ____________.” Sure, there may be other people that have a part to play in the failure of your objective but there’s nothing you can do about another human being – only yourself.
The excuses you tell yourself lead into the last point I want to make with you today. Because you’ve been feeding yourself lies, it’s caused you to stop in your tracks. It’s caused you to question your ability to drive on and maybe even your desire to do so.
The reason a lot of men fail is because they’re so concerned with all the other reasons I shared with you today at the expense of the very action that will help them succeed in the first place.
If you want to thrive, you need to take action. You’re probably going to mess up. You’re probably going to fall short. People are probably going to mock you. So what?
You can fail at your objective so no one sees you misstep or you can struggle for a little while until you’re able to achieve what it is you’re after.
Let’s recap these again: pride comes before the fall, you don’t have an information problem; you have an action problem, fear is your enemy, acting for acceptance, excuses are lies, and sitting the sideline.
I know these factors aren’t easy to overcome. I struggle against them every day. But the times when I’ve been the happiest, most successful, and most content in my life is when I’ve recognized what I’m against and overcome them anyways.
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Someone asked me several weeks ago, "If you could have one super power, what would it be?" To which I responded, "The ability to read people's minds." As it turns out one doesn't need to be a superhero in order to possess the ability to understand what other people are thinking and, to a degree, use that knowledge to produce desired outcomes.
My guest today, the founder of Ellipsis Behavior Laboratories and the author of The Ellipses Manuel, joins me to talk about reading body language and thoughts, becoming a human lie detector, how to activate trust in others, and how to decode and decipher human behavior.
CHASE HUGHES
Chase Hughes (@thechasehughes) is a Navy veteran and an author and speaker on behavior analysis, body language and behavior engineering.
He founded Ellipsis Behavior Laboratories in 2011 and has since developed the Behavioral Table of Elements which, after pouring over this, is probably the most extensive behavioral analysis tool I've ever seen.
Chase is also the creator of other life-saving systems such as 'The Hostile Hospital' and 'Tactical Psychology'. And, if that's not enough, Chase is also in the process of developing new programs for the US Government.
He volunteers his skills by training members of anti-human trafficking teams around the world and has published two books on human behavior and over 29 articles and papers on behavior and behavior analysis.
Chase Hughes is here today to talk about the concepts from his new book, The Ellipsis Manual: Analysis and Engineering of Human Behavior.
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Shownotes: http://orderofman.com/132
Website: http://orderofman.com
What exactly is “The Drift?” The Drift is the natural tendency we have as men to coast, and in a way, take our hands off the steering wheel of life and allow ourselves to be controlled and put ourselves at the mercy of all that life offers.
The fact is that there are forces at work against us that keep us from accomplishing what we truly want in life and, unless, we’re actively engaged in the process of intentionally living our lives, it’s very easy for us to get off course.
Today, I’m going to share with you why this happens but, more importantly, 3 measures you can take to ensure you maintain the course you are meant to maintain.
Everywhere you turn, you'll find men living what I call the sedated life. Like robots on an assembly line, these men wake up at the same time, eat the same food for breakfast, drive to work the same way every day, do the same menial tasks for 8-9 hours, drive home, kiss the wife and kids, eat dinner, watch some TV, go to bed, and do it all over again.
My guest today, former Navy SEAL and wingsuit base-jumper Andy Stumpf is the exact opposite of that. And, while we can't all be Navy SEALs, jump of really high mountains and structures, and travel the distance of 18 miles in a wingsuit, we can all take some calculated risks that make us feel alive.
Today we talk about finding something worth fighting for, eliminating emotions in the decision-making process, why people fail in the application of their goals, and how to live life on the edge.
Andy Stumpf (@andystumpf77) is a former Navy SEAL with SEAL Team Five and later joining the most elite counter-terrorism unit in the military, SEAL Team Six.
He is also 5.11 and Black Rifle Coffee Company sponsored athlete, and has an affinity for jumping off really tall mountains and perfectly good airplanes.
As impressive as that sounds, he refers to himself as a "professional gravity enthusiast" and rightfully so. He's completed wingsuit jumps lasting more that 18 miles at speeds of 161 mph.
He is the recipient of 5 Bronze Star Medals (four with valor), the Purple Heart, the Joint Service Commendation Medal, the Navy and Marine Corp Commendation Medal with Valor, three Navy and Marine Corp Achievement Medals, and two Combat Action Ribbons.
In other words, the man is a genuine Bad-A and today's he's here to talk about living life on the edge.
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Shownotes: http://orderofman.com/131
Website: http://orderofman.com
I think it’s safe to assume by now that you probably - at least to some degree - understand that having a coach is such a valuable strategy towards becoming great, whether that’s improving your golf swing, enhancing your public speaking skills, building a solid relationship with your wife, or growing your business.
But, it amazes me how often men recognize the value of coaching in elite performers yet underestimate the power of having a coach even if you’re not at the elite level or competing on the global stage.
Today I talk about why you should consider hiring a coach and what to look for.
If you're anything like me, you are what I refer to as a "starter." I've never been at a loss for figuring out how to start things. Getting things done is a completely different story.
Today I am joined by New York Times Bestselling author, Jon Acuff. If you have a problem with finishing what you start, this is the episode for you and, I'm not going to lie, I needed this one more than most.
We talk about the developing a tolerance for imperfection, why "strategic incompetence" is a powerful tool, how to overcome what Jon calls "noble obstacles," a new spin on SMART goals, and how to finally finish what you started.
Jon Acuff
Guys, I am so stoked to be introducing you to my guest today, Mr. Jon Acuff.
I've read all four of his books and I've been trying to get him on the show for two years. The time finally came with the release of his new book today (if you're listening to this the day it is being released), Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done.
The other books I've read are Do Over, Start, and Quitter. All of which have been instrumental in helping me launch the podcast you're listening to right now.
He's a New York Times Bestselling Author. He's worked with companies like Home Depot, Staples, and The Dave Ramsey Team. He's been featured on CNN, Fox News, and other major media outlets.
This guy is intelligent, he's funny, and he's here to drop some serious knowledge on the art, science, and skill of finishing what you start.
Please leave us a review at http://orderofman.com/itunes
Shownotes: http://orderofman.com/130
Website: http://orderofman.com
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to address something that has impacted millions of people over the last several weeks and that is the nightmare in Houston created by Hurricane Harvey.
As I’ve thought about what those people must be experiencing and what we’ve seen online and on TV, I can’t help but think of a couple glaring lessons we should all look to when it comes to how we conduct ourselves as men.
I see some areas of improvement and I see some areas that, from what I can tell are absolutely amazing to see in the wake of such a horrific situation.
So, let’s get into these lessons today.
Politics - just the mention of the word infuriates most and has the ability to split up marriages and lifelong friendships alike.
What a shame, since our political environment literally permeates every single element of our lives - taxes, defense, infrastructure, education, economics, and so much more.
Today, I am joined by my good friend and mentor Sean Whalen. Sean is currently running for congress in the third congressional district in Utah. You're going to love some of what this man has to say and, I'm sure a lot of you are going to hate what he has to say.
But, regardless, I encourage you to listen with an open mind so we can prove to the world that it is possible to hold a civil and intelligent political conversation.
Gentlemen, today I get to introduce you to one of my favorite repeat guests, Mr. Sean Whalen.
Sean is a friend and mentor of mine and, although I don't agree with him on everything, I have always admired his candor and ability to hold true to his convictions.
He has done everything from MMA fighting to real estate mogul to off-road truck driver. He's talked about it all from hitting rock bottom through a bankruptcy and nasty divorce to what has become an incredible movement with Lions Not Sheep.
And, if that's not enough, he's adding Congressional Candidate to the never-ending resume that can only be Sean Whalen's.
Gentlemen, buckle up, listen up, and let's talk about men and politics.
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Shownotes: http://orderofman.com/129
Website: http://orderofman.com
You may have heard the Latin phrase, “Memento Mori” which quite literally means “remember that you have to die.” That phrase has also been used to describe an object that serves as a reminder of death, like a skull or any other object that has that connotation.
Now, the reason I want to talk with you about this because, just prior to hitting record on this podcast, I booked a flight and hotel to go see my father who, just a couple days ago, had a heart attack. I don’t know whether he is going to live or die but, unfortunately, right now, things don’t look good. I’m sure by the time this podcast is released we’ll know if he has passed or if he’s in the clear.
As I think about all that’s gone on for me physically, mentally, and emotionally over the past 48 hours, I can’t help but think about the prospect of my own death.