There are a lot of men who want to fix their marriages. While it sounds counterintuitive, the best way to fix your marriage is to fix yourself. Because, when you improve who you are as a man and how you're showing up as a husband, you're naturally going to produce a better marriage. Sure, a strong marriage is the result of the things that both you and your wife are doing but there's nothing you can do about her. That's why it's best to focus on the one thing you can control - yourself.
Here are 7 ways to do just that...
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Every man will, at some point, be placed in a position of leadership, whether it's in the walls of his home, a new project at work, a promotion, ecclesiastical services, with friends, or simply leading himself. His ability to lead effectively will spell the difference between success and failure in any endeavor.
Today, I am joined by retired Green Beret Lieutenant Colonel, Scott Mann to talk about how to be a strong leader. We talk about the importance of becoming a great storyteller, how to play your position well and allow others to do the same, why leaders need to learn to get out of the way, and how you can lead from the top.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
Today, I have the honor of introducing you to retired Green Beret Lieutenant Colonel, Scott Mann.
He is a master at building relationships in high-stakes, competitive environments, as you might imagine. He spent 23 years in the United States Army (18 of which in were spent as a Green Beret) where he specialized in missions all over the world including Colombia, Iraq, and Afghanistan.
He is also a regular contributor on CNN, Fox, and Bloomberg, and many others where he shares his insights and experience when it comes to leading teams effectively.
Obviously, he's worked in some extremely hostile environments where he's been able to lead missions effectively through his ability to build trust and credibility where most of that had been destroyed.
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So many men love to play the victim card. They believe everybody and everything is stacked against them. In reality, we know that's not true. Here's why people do it and 5 ways to avoid making yourself into a victim.
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Every time you turn around, you're bombarded with a thousand ads, a million choices, and an endless supply of options and "opportunities." It's becoming increasingly difficult to manage the landscape of the ever-growing decisions that need to be made. Add to that our desire to be seen and perceived a certain way by people we may not even know or like, and it's easy to see why the disease of wanting more is becoming a real problem.
My guest today, Joshua Becker, makes the case for why more is less. He argues (and, I agree) that having less stuff in our life can truly unlock the key to a more meaningful and purpose-driven life. We talk about the benefits of owning less, why we have the desire to own more than we'll ever need or use, the burden extra possessions place on our lives, and how you can become a minimalist.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
JOSHUA BECKER
Gentlemen, I have the honor of introducing you to my guest today, Joshua Becker.
He is the founder of Becoming Minimalist and the bestselling author of The More of Less. And, in the spirit of the message we'll be discussing today, I will keep this introduction short.
We were introduced by a mutual friend who had taken much of what Joshua has been teaching and incorporating it into his own life. I did some initial research and immediately recognized a need to adopt the practice of "rational minimalism" into my own. I've already begun implementing some of his teachings and I can honestly say I've been able to free up more mental and physical capacity for more important pursuits in my life.
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Society is becoming softer. Society is becoming weaker. This idea of softness is perpetuated by much of society, the school system, media, and entertainment and Hollywood. We do ourselves a huge disservice when we overlook the importance of being strong, tough, gritty, resilient, and all the things that we would traditionally think of when we think of how a man shows up in life.
I'm not suggesting by any means that a man can't be loving, supportive, open, and vulnerable. Of course, he can be those things. There is a time and a place to be that way but to say that that's always the case, to say that we need to be softer at the expense of these other masculine virtues, is hurting society in general. There will come a point in time where those traditional masculine virtues are to be used in order to produce productive outcomes for ourselves, our loved ones, and the people we care about.
Typically, this manifests itself in a negative situation, whether that's something in the family like a divorce, loss of a loved one, or being laid off from a job, but it also applies to natural disasters and emergencies. For example, Hurricane Harvey in Texas and the fires in California last year. During these times, we saw countless men, step up and do what it is that men do best. We also see why strength is important in the global arena as well when it comes to military conflict, for example. It's critical we never overlook the importance of harnessing the power of being tough, resilient, gritty, et cetera.
Today, I want to talk with you about some of the consequences and symptoms of the softening of society. And, I also want to talk about why softness is spreading. I'm not a conspiracy theorist but I do think there are some factors at work here that are promoting this idea of clinging to these softer virtues at the expense of the harder virtues. We're going to talk about how we can become tougher, more resilient, and stronger because the last thing I want to do is complain, whine, or nag about a topic without providing any solutions.
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In a world where everyone and everything is clamoring for your attention, it is becomingly increasingly difficult to focus on the vital few as opposed to the trivial many.
My guest today, Greg McKeown, the New York Times Bestselling Author of Essentialism, makes the case for why less can actually be more. We talk about how to eliminate distractions, the criteria for measuring what task you should actually focus on, how to establish proper boundaries, and why every man should take on the disciplined pursuit of less.
Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my guest today, Mr. Greg McKeown. He is a man who needs no introduction for many of you.
If you're familiar with his work at all, you've likely read the book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. In this New York Times Bestselling book, Greg makes the case for why each of us should strive to focus on the few things that actually matter as opposed to the tasks and projects many of us get bogged down with.
He's spoken all over the world at industry conferences, huge companies like Apple, Google, Facebook, and Twitter, and governments including a personal invitation from the Prince of Norway.
Needless to say, this is a man who knows what he's talking about when it comes to doing less but producing more.
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I see so many men who don't have any level of respect for themselves let alone being able to command any respect from others. I was noticing the other day as I was walking to the post office, that there were people who wouldn't even look me in the eye. And, not only would they not look me in the eye, they were working hard to ensure that they didn't have to look me in the eye. When I shake people's hand, I get these limp fish handshakes. Those are just two small examples of the manifestation of a lack of confidence. It's bad, guys. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've seen this in co-workers, friends, kids, and maybe even yourself.
And, if you're someone who is not commanding respect, you are living a life less than you're capable of. I don't want that to be the case. I want you, as a man to step up, to be assertive, confident, to be able to ask for promotions, ask women on dates, and get out of this life what you should. And, part of that is being able to command the respect of other people.
When I talk about commanding respect, one of the things that I'm really addressing here is the idea of the "X-factor." We've all seen it. We've all been to a meeting, conference or office setting when we just feel somebody walk into the room. We turn around and see this guy who has "it," whatever "it" is. We can't quite put our finger on it but we know that this is a guy that has something special; there's something unique about this individual. What a lot of men do is write that off and dismiss it as something that he was naturally gifted or naturally born with. Sure, there may be men who have a predisposition to be more like this but I'll tell you what, being able to develop what most people write off as the "X-factor" is something that can be developed. I know this because that's what I've been able to do.
For a long time (especially when I was younger) I walked around very insecure, very complacent, and frankly just a little bit afraid and scared of life in general. I couldn't make eye contact with people. I couldn't hold a conversation. And not only that, I actually just tried to avoid people altogether. It wasn't up until relatively recently that I have been able to develop a level of confidence that allows me to look in another person's eyes. This newfound level of confidence allows me to ask and command exactly what I believe I deserve. I'm just telling you, from experience, it's a significantly better way to live.
I made a post on Instagram two or three weeks ago about teaching others how to treat you. A lot of people agreed with me and said, "Yeah, you definitely teach other people how to treat you," and other people blew that off and dismissed it. I believe that you and I are constantly teaching other people how we will be treated. We do this through our actions and our words and the way we carry ourselves We teach our kids, spouses, colleagues, employers, and bosses to what level of respect we will be treated with.
That's the last thing I want to see in men. I want men to walk around with their heads held high. I want them to have a level of confidence in what they're doing, who they are, and how they show up because I believe that this will, first, save their sanity and well-being and, second, determine much of their success.
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We all know that we need to be mentally tough. There's no question of that. Yet, forging mental toughness seems to be one of the most elusive pursuits. All of us know how to develop physical toughness but rarely do we have any practices in place that will help us develop mental toughness.
My guest today, Ryan Lange, is one of the most mentally tough men I know. It's amazing considering he's only 21 years old. I won't get into all that he's accomplished just yet but please understand that the amount of physical strain he's put on his body is simply incredible. Today we talk about developing the capability to transcend pain, fostering the willingness to embrace hardship, why hard work is omnipotent, and how to forge more mental toughness.
Ryan Lange reached out a couple months ago and asked to come on the podcast.
Honestly, at first thought, I wasn't going to have him on because so many people talk about mental toughness. It's a little like saying you want to talk about leadership.
But then, I started looking into what this kid has done. And, I say kid because he's only 20 years old. Now, I realize he's a man (not a child) but I'm absolutely blown away with what he's done already.
He's completed 50K's, 50 milers, 100 milers, and at the end of last year completed a 238 mile race in Moab, UT. To give you an idea of what that means, it took roughly 86 hours for him to complete.
I'm incredibly inspired by Ryan and his approach to mental toughness. You will be too.
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We've all seen the movie, Peter Pan. It's fictional work but it seems that more and more it paints an eerily familiar picture with what we see in the boys who never want to grow up into men.
I'll give you a prime example. Just the other day, there was a piece I read about a 30-year old man who had taken his parents to court because his parents were "evicting" him from their house. How pathetic is this? Maybe there's something wrong with this guy (obviously there's something wrong with this guy). But it's amazing that his thought process is to fight so hard to stay at home. I can't help, but there's something seriously wrong with him. But in addition to that, I can't help but think there's something wrong with the parents. How was this guy raised? How was he fathered?
When I was done with high school, we went on our senior trip. The day I got home - the very next day - I moved out. It wasn't' because I had anything against my mother but because it was time. It was time to leave the nest. I see so many boys who are more concerned with staying at home than experiencing life. They're more concerned with not having bills and upholding their responsibilities. They're more concerned with Call of Duty or Fortnite (or whatever the game is that they're playing). They're shirking their responsibilities. They don't have jobs. And, their parents are enabling them to actually do this. And we question why we're having problems with our boys turning into men. This is the failure to launch syndrome - the rise of the Peter Pans.
The good news is that there are some solutions to this. If you find yourself in a position where you're a boy or a male who wants to grow up but can't figure out how to do it, this article will provide the solution. I see so many men who use the excuse of not having a father figure in their life to justify their lack of performance as men. I can't believe that it needs to be addressed, but it certainly does. So, let's talk about this today.
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