Every time we turn around it seems like there's yet another school shooting. And, from what I can see, we're addressing this from a very surface level perspective. This is not about gun control. This is not about gun regulation. In fact, I don't even believe it's fully a gun problem. I think it's a symptom of the problem but not the problem.
Obviously, it has to do with the young men who are creating these situations. But more so, we ought to put the responsibility where it truly lies, which is on us as men. I'm going to explain what I mean by that. Bear with me, because I think you're going to agree at the end of this conversation that we've got a real problem with the way that we, as men, are showing up. And the symptom of that is school shootings and some of the other atrocities that we see in society today.
Before I get into the details, I do want to say again, this is not meant to be a gun debate but there are a couple of surface level issues that I do want to address first and foremost before we get deeper into this.
So, let's begin by addressing how we physically protect our kids when they're at school. There are some very simple solutions to this:
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Today, I talk with John Gilliland about overcoming multiple suicide attempts, rising from the guilt and shame associated with it, using addiction in a positive way, and lifting yourself out of the bottom.
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Competition is such a critical component of our journey to develop masculinity and manliness. Too bad it's often viewed as an unnecessary and antiquated way of operating by much of society. Heaven forbid we hold ourselves to a high standard and teach our children to keep score.
My guest today, Jake Thompson, Founder of Compete Every Day, makes the case for utilizing healthy competition as a critical factor in improving our lives. Today, we talk about why competition is so important, why executing to failure is so powerful, why losing does not necessarily equal "loser", and why men should compete every day.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
• Why competition is important
• How competition creates opportunities and builds capabilities
• What separates those who grow with competition and those who self-destruct
• How to compete at things that aren't a competition
• Why executing to failure is so important
• Why losing does not equal "loser"
• How to separate yourself from the pack
• How to find and develop value in yourself and others
• How to teach our children to use healthy competition for growth
• Why men are uniquely desirous to keep score and how to use that to our advantage
JAKE THOMPSON
My guest today is Jake Thompson. Jake and I met last year and an American Dream U event at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.
I had the privilege of hearing him speak about the power and importance of competition and new that I wanted to have a deeper discussion with him about the concept.
The word, competition, seems to have a negative connotation surrounding it but I think you know as well as I do how powerful competition can actually be.
In a world that likes to take it easy and shy away from keeping score, Jake is encouraging more people to do it through his organization, Compete Every Day, and as a speaker, author, and coach.
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There is a gap in most men's lives and, in fact, I would argue in every man's life. This gap represents what we know we should be doing versus the things that we're actually doing. This is the integrity gap. The larger that gap is, the less fulfilled, the more unhappy, the more unpleasant, and depressed you will be. The smaller that gap, the more fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, contentment, happiness, wealth, and prosperity will come into your life.
There was a time in my life roughly 10 years ago where I had a huge integrity gap in my life (again, the gap between what I knew I should be doing and what I was actually doing). Here's the reality: Everybody that reads this, including you, knows what you should be doing.
If I were to ask anyone, "How do you lose weight?" 99.9% of people would say, "Well, I probably ought to eat a little bit better and exercise a little bit more." If I were to ask how to build more wealth in your life, everybody out there would say, "I need to find a way to make more money and/or spend less money."
These are not secrets. This is not rocket science here. Everybody knows what they should be doing, yet when you look around in society you can plainly see that many individuals are not living up to their potential. That's the integrity gap. It's knowing what you should be doing, and not doing it.
Living with this gap is the most unpleasant, unsatisfying, and miserable time in any person's life. But rather than just tell you that there's this big integrity gap and you need to figure out a way to bridge it (which you certainly do) I want to share with you a very simple formula that will help you bridge the gap.
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Today, I talk with Cody Duffney about the execution of discipline, the power of internal reflection, correcting mistakes quickly, and accepting points of weakness.
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Continuing on the theme from last week (because I believe this is such a critical topic right now), today we talk about the fact that young boys seem to be going astray. The school system is stacked against them, society seems to be dismissing masculinity altogether, and being a man is something that actually has to be defended.
My guest, Dr. Leonard Sax, joins me to talk about 5 factors driving an epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men, how the school system needs to be overhauled if we are to re-engage our boys, the dangers of endocrine disruptors in men's lives, and how boys are going adrift and, more importantly, how to get them back on track.
I was introduced to Dr. Leonard Sax's work through my wife as she picked up a couple books on her pursuit to more effectively raise our boys.
She came across two books in particular: Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters. After she got done reading them, she asked if I would. From the opening remarks, I knew this guy had some of the answers to the challenges we seem to be facing in raising young men.
Dr. Sax is an MIT graduate, a physician, and a psychologist and has been practicing for nearly 30 years. He is well-versed (as you'll hear today) in gender issues and the crisis our young men and women seem to be facing today.
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Today, I want to talk about such an important topic and one which is easy to overlook simply because we’ve all heard about it so often. That said, I believe establishing a healthy morning routine is one of the most important things you can do during your day as it really establishes the benchmark, the framework, and the foundation for the way the rest of your day will go.
The reason that I think most people overlook (or can’t even stick to a morning routine) is because there’s so much advice about it already and we begin to believe that we have to pigeonhole ourselves into one way of doing it. Here’s what I’m here to tell you: I’m going to share my morning routine. Now, that doesn’t make it the morning routine. It simply means that it works for me. The most powerful thing if you can do with regards to your morning routine is to find something that works for you.
This is a process of experimentation. So, again, I’m going to share with you what works for me. If you like it, adopt it. If you don’t like it, don’t adopt it. If you like parts of it, adopt part of it. You get the idea.
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Today, I talk with Joshua Laycock about his awakening, why "good enough" is your enemy, the power of your potential, and how to train your mind.
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This one is special to me. As most of you know, I grew up without a permanent father figure in my life. I've mentioned in the past that there was a select group of men who helped mold and shape me into the man that I am today. I'm not sure there is another man in my young life who was as influential as my guest today. His name is Matt Labrum and he was my high school football and baseball coach.
Today, we talk about his influence in my life and thousands of other young men's lives, the power of allowing kids to fail (including some failures of my own), why competitive sports are so valuable in a young man's life, why he cut his entire team from the football program, and a man's responsibility to future generations.
Men, I did this interview a little while ago and I've been anxiously waiting to release it to you. Every single one of us has some very influential people in our lives. Today, I'm talking with probably the most influential man in mine, especially as a young boy learning to become a man. He is a high school educator. He has been teaching for more than two decades and, in addition to that, he is a high school baseball coach (when I was in school, he was the head football, basketball, and baseball coach).
He gained some national attention several years ago after cutting his entire football team from the program for grade and attendance issues, and how his team was showing up in the community and at school.
This is a man I admire and respect as he shaped a lot of who I was as a young man and who I am still becoming. He never took it easy on me. We talk about two experiences in particular during this conversation but I never doubted how much he cared about my progress and the progress of the boys under his care.
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You’ve likely heard of the phrase “zero fu*ks given.” While I can understand to a degree what anyone may be saying when they use that term, I can’t help but see the mistake in that line of thinking – especially for men. Your job is the exact opposite of that sentiment. Your job is to care about a lot, and be a man of value in the walls of your home, inside your business, and out in your community.
But if you walk around with a chip on your shoulder and take the stance that everyone else should leave you alone and there’s nothing you should really care about, I’ve got to think you’re missing a big element of what it means to be a man. Not to mention, you’re limiting your potential and the potential of those around you.
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Today, I talk with Doug Hershberger about losing massive weight, stoicism, learning to control what you can, being a steward over yourself, and moving from complacency to contentment.
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Guys, if you listen to just one of my podcast, please make it be this one. Today, I am joined by my friend and fellow soldier, Braxton McCoy. He and I served in Iraq together in 2005-2006. One day we were playing softball together and the next day, I hear he's been hit by a suicide bomber with multiple fractures and life-threatening injuries to himself and others. I didn't fully realize the extent of his injuries until this interview.
This one is raw, it's truthful, and it's extremely insightful when it comes to one soldier's perspective of war, responsibility, obligation, and liberty. We talk about the truths and fallacies of PTSD, overcoming the demons of war, how a near-death experience changes your perspective, and the true cost of liberty.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
BRAXTON MCCOY
As I mentioned before, I have my friend and fellow soldier, Braxton McCoy on the show today.
We've lost touch over the past 10 years or so since we served together in Iraq but when I found out he had written a book about our experience and, more specifically, his experience in Iraq, I knew that this would make for a powerful conversation.
After more than a decade of physical therapy and more surgeries than I care to think about, Braxton has regained most of his strength and rebounded emotionally from an extremely traumatic situation.
He has twice served as National Advocate for the Army Wounded Warrior Program, and twice as Veterans’ Advocate for the Coalition of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans in the District of Columbia. His four years as an advocate were focused on getting veterans back to work, as a meaningful way to outflank Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
In 2013, Braxton McCoy started Warrior Employment Project, a non-profit designed to connect veteran families-in-need with CEO’s and CIO’s leading to the veterans’ employment.
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Some of the greatest men the world has ever known are voracious readers. Teddy Roosevelt was said to read a book every morning. General James Mattis is said to have a library of over 600 books. Bill Gates reads a book a week. Mark Cuban reads for 3 hours every day. Elon Musk was once asked how he learned to build rockets, to which he replied, “I read books.”
Now, I’m not suggesting that by simply reading books, you will achieve the types of results these men have achieved but, reading and acquiring new knowledge through the written word is something that seems to be a common thread line through most, if not all, successful people.
Today, I’ll share with you why that is and I’ll also be issuing you a challenge we’re going to be holding over the next 30 days.
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Today, I talk with Pierre Azzam about overcoming introversion, the feeling of being lost and turning information into application.
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There is no such thing as the self-made man. While I can certainly understand and even appreciate the gesture, the truth is that every successful man had some help along the way. That help usually comes in the form of others.
My guest today is David Burkus. He is the author of Friend of a Friend: Understanding the Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life and Career. Today, we talk about the power of "weak ties," how to leverage "preferential attachment," how to become a super connector, and how to tap into your hidden networks.
Today, I have the honor of introducing you to my friend, David Burkus.
As you might imagine, I have the opportunity to talk with hundreds and hundreds of successful men but David is someone who stands out to me as one of the most intelligent, articulate, and well-researched guests we've had on.
He is a best-selling author, a speaker, and associate professor at Oral Roberts University. In his new book (which I highly recommend), David offers readers a new perspective on how to grow their networks and build key connections—one based on the science of human behavior, not rote networking advice.
He’s delivered keynotes to the leaders of Fortune 500 companies and the future leaders of the United States Naval Academy. His TED Talk has been viewed over 1.8 million times and he is a regular contributor to Harvard Business Review.
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I want to talk with you about building a thriving tribe. Now, this may be a conversation geared towards those who are working to build their own business/social media tribes like we’ve done here but, really, it’s for any man who wants to lead. And, all men are leaders.
So, whether you’re leading a tribe of hundreds of thousands that spans the entire planet (like we are here), or you’ve been tasked with leading a new project at work, or you’ve got a wife and children to protect, provide, and preside for, or you’re a coach or school teacher, or in the military, or going to school, we all have tribes to lead. Today, I’m going to walk you through a few key insights that have helped me build this tribe significantly larger and more significant than I ever could have imagined.
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Today, I talk with Kipp Sorensen about taking complete ownership in divorce, being more emotionally available in relationships, and living a life of integrity and authenticity.
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Today, we talk about something we've never directly addressed on this podcast, God. Now, before you tune me out based on that word alone, I believe that regardless of what you believe, there is something to be learned in every conversation and every experience.
That's why, when my friend, Dale Partridge reached out to talk about his new book, Saved From Success, I knew I needed to have him on. At the risk of losing a few listeners and receiving a few disapproving emails, I thought this was a conversation worth having. We talk about Dale's definition of success compared to much of society's, why men are hesitant to surrender to a higher power, how to develop a life of significance and meaning, and how all of us can be saved from success.
Today, I have the honor of introducing you to my friend and repeat guest, Dale Partridge. I had him on the show in June of last year to talk about turning your passion into your profession.
About a month or so ago, he reached out to me regarding his new book and I thought it would make for an interesting conversation.
For those of you who may not know, Dale is an extremely successful entrepreneur and the founder of Startup Camp, which teaches aspiring entrepreneurs the ropes when it comes to building businesses.
I've been following him and his message for a long time and we've managed to build a friendship through our mutual work in calling men to step up to be men in their homes, their communities, their business, and every other facet of their lives.
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Today, I answer questions from Facebook about building a tribe, creating a network of connections, developing discipline and confidence, how to help sons with their anger, and improve the drive for bigger and better.
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Today, I talk with Scott Pinyard about overcoming an alcohol addiction, becoming a better role model for our children, and how to eliminate debt.
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Adding value is a phrase we'll all heard. Like any word the marketers of the world get ahold of, it begins to lose some of it's meaning when it's overused. But that overuse doesn't make it any less valuable as a strategy for growth and success.
My guest today, Tyler Harris, is using the idea of adding value to create a hugely successful social media business on top of his already existing success in the financial services industry. Today, we talk about how personal responsibility lies at the foundation of success, how and why every man should develop more presence, why people are starving for the truth, and how the value proposition is so powerful.
Gentlemen, I have the honor of introducing you to someone I've been following for a little while now, Tyler Harris.
I've been extremely impressed by his level of dedication and discipline when it comes to building a new business using the power of social media. I talk with a lot of people who want to build a movement using the social tools at our disposal but I talk with very few who are doing it in a way that actually moves the needle.
And, as I got to know more about Tyler's story, I can see why. He's been hugely successful in establishing relationships and putting in a ton of work in order to thrive in the financial services industry (which is a very hard market to break into).
Now, he's applying those same principles to his new endeavors and sharing them with us today.
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I spend a lot of time talking to men on a daily basis. One thing I’m always intrigued by is the fire that I can see (or can’t see) simply by looking into their eyes. It’s been said that “the eyes are the window to the soul.” If that’s true, you can tell a lot about a man and his passion and enthusiasm through a quick glance and connection of the eyes.
Unfortunately, all too often what I see when I look is lifelessness, soullessness, and a general complacency and signs of defeat. I can certainly understand and even relate to that feeling. For a lot of years, I felt the exact same way. I occasionally look at old pictures of myself and I recognize a defeated man when I see him.
Let’s face it, life is tough. It gets challenging. It gets routine, boring, and monotonous at times. And, what I experience more often than not is men who allow those circumstances to defeat them. I think one of the biggest dangers in society today is a lack of men who are passionate, fired up, engaged in creating a meaningful life for themselves and those around them.
If you’re one of these guys who has lost the passion for life, have hope. The fire is there, inside you. You just need to add a little fuel to it to get it stoked again. Here are several strategies for adding fuel to the fire:
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Today, I talk with Reece Carter about the power of a mental fight club, why you need to stop lying to yourself, and how to harness healthy competition.
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Suffering isn't typically something people like to attract in their lives but the reality is you cannot fully escape it. It's part of the human experience. So, rather than run from the unexpected suffering we're all likely to face, my guest, Navy SEAL Commander Rorke Denver suggests we run towards it and embrace it instead.
Today, we talk about the power of identifying and living by a set of ethos, how to create an extremely powerful ecosystem for success, when you should follow the rules and when you should break them, and how you can embrace the suffering life is bound to present.
I was at an event about a month ago and my guest's name was brought up to me three times in about ten minutes. I was intrigued so I looked him up and new I needed to connect with him.
Every once in a while, you make a new connection that feels more like old friends than new acquaintances. And, that's how I felt when I started talking with Rorke Denver (this interview is the first time we've talked).
This man is truly incredible. He's a Navy SEAL, Ranger qualified, New York Times Bestselling Author. And, on top of all that, he starred in the movie, Act of Valor, and has since gone on to create an amazing business focused on the idea of Ever Onward.
He's taking all the lessons he's learned and sharing them with the world so they too can learn what it takes to lead their own lives. And, speaking of leadership, this man is an incredible leader (you'll hear that in the interview) and has since become a friend of mine.
I believe in finding and connecting with high-quality men and Rorke is among the best.
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There seems to be this strange shift in society today where we, collectively, have begun to give more credit to children than they deserve. Historically, adults have made the decisions and been the influential party in the direction of relevant culture and policy. Now, in some sort of weird, reality version of Lord of the Flies, we’ve begun to allow our children to dictate the tone of the conversation and set the framework for some very serious issues all of us will be impacted by.
Now, before I get into what I’m going to share with you today, allow me to explain a couple things, a disclaimer if you will. First, I do not believe children should make the rules or set the tone of adult conversations. This does not mean I don’t care about our kids or have empathy and/or compassion for their perspectives and experiences. Second, some of our children are very intelligent. There’s no denying that. Still, they lack the life experience required to fully understand the ramifications of their limited experience. Third, I am not of the mindset that children should be seen and not heard. I listen to my children (and the children in my community I have a responsibility for) every day. That said, I as the adult, make the decisions.
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